after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
