My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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