i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
