How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it hurts more in the daytime
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
