exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
