watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
