I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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