If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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