Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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