if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
