i used baking grease as lip gloss
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
