just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
