you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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