He had one of those small greek statue penises
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
