My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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