After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
