Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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