my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
