You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
