Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
