I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
