I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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