he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
