dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
