i barfeds in our rink
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
