after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
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Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
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Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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