Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
