sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
