"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
