i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
