the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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