Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I supernannyed him into submission
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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