I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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