Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
