she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
