this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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