in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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