I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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