this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
