Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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