I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
