Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
