Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
