Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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