I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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