She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
