I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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