I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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