6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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