hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
