I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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