Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
