This dress was meant to end up on your floor
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
