I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
