When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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