True but thats because hes a fetus.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dating After Heartbreak
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops