i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
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A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
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He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box