people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
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I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.