Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS