dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My ass is underappreciated
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
