If that was your dad, he is hot
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
