you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
