Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
