Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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