one two three fourrrrnication!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
