im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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